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There’s no shame in having genital herpes. But because you get it through sexual contact, people often feel embarrassed about it.
Keep in mind that herpes is very common. It’s more common than diabetes and asthma.
It is not easy to tell a partner you have genital herpes. But you should. Any partner now or in the future needs to know.
Set the stage
Tell a new partner BEFORE you have sex. Don’t bring it up after you’ve already put your partner at risk. That can hurt your relationship. Even with a longtime partner, it’s best to talk about it as soon as you can. If you wait too long, your partner may wonder what else you haven’t told him or her.
Pick the right place. Find somewhere private and quiet. You want your partner to focus on what you’re saying. You don’t want him or her looking at the TV or worrying if someone can hear you.
Talk about herpes before you have sex with someone, but not in bed. That’s the worst time and place. Your partner may not make a good decision then. But, the next day, your partner may be sorry he or she didn’t take more time to think about it. Telling in bed also creates an uncomfortable situation.
How you say it
When you bring up herpes, be upbeat and sure of yourself. Don’t tell your partner what to feel. If you say, “I have some bad news for you,” you set up your partner to take it as bad news.
Avoid negative words when talking about genital herpes. Would you rather hear: “Herpes is an awful disease.”? Or, “Herpes can be managed.”? Your approach will affect how your partner takes the news.
Learn all you can about herpes before your talk. This will help you answer questions and get rid of myths. For example, the fact that herpes is a very common disease could make your partner feel better.
One way to start talking about herpes is to bring up safer sex. You can ask your partner to have a blood test for herpes. After all, your partner could have it, too. Many people who have genital herpes don’t know it. Your partner could be one of them.
The keys to talking about herpes with your partner are to be open, sure of yourself, and upbeat.
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